Being A "Bad Feminist" in Today's World
Like most women, I often find myself raising the question, "What does it mean to be a feminist in today's world?" There are stereotypes equated to feminism such as matriarchal society, shun all men, lesbians, no marriage, no chivalry, "don't take your husband's name", preach your beliefs, reject the Bible/Quran or any other religious teaching or faith, put more women in the military, hate the idea of family, pro-choice, and the list is endless. How many of these are correct? It's impossible to know because feminism is whatever one wants it to be.
The idea around feminism became more comprehensible when I started to label myself as a "bad feminist." I label myself as that because I realized with time and experience that my flaws, sometimes scratches, sometimes deep wounds made me the person I really am today. I label myself as a "bad feminist" because I am pretty sure a lot of women out there, whether I know them or not, struggle with the concept of feminism almost every single day of their lives. If by not supporting the oppression against women of different races, class, and background and if by not telling other women to behave in a certain manner and following the traditions explained in the above paragraph makes me a "bad feminist", then I happily declare myself as that. The most obvious example of struggle is choosing whether or not you should be a good mother, or you should be a good working woman. What is absent from this process of thinking is the fact that not all women are the same. Not all women want careers. Not all women want to get married and have children. And also, not all women want both! The purpose of writing this piece is to remind myself and make women (mostly from my generation) to realize that it is not necessary for us all to have the same objectives when it comes to being a feminist. Secondly, there is another purpose of writing this piece and that is to de-construct the idea that feminism only comes with power and privilege. We all have to chart our own unique course and define which goals fit our lives, values, and dreams.
On a personal account, I had always been reluctant to label myself as a feminist. The reason being the patriarchal construction of the word "feminism." Feminism will be considered as a negative connotation and a form of oppression as long as it is enforced on women in a certain way. Dalia Mogahed, a brilliant American Muslim feminist scholar once said, "If yours is a feminism trying to recreate me in your image, you can keep it. That's not dismantling patriarchy, that's joining it." Dalia Mogahed's words can be taken into consideration when describing a simple situation in which a woman decides to declare "pink" as her favorite color. It is important for a woman, then, to take herself off any sort of feminist pedestal and embrace "bad feminism" - that can go beyond the limitations and carelessness of feminism. That is because this form of patriarchal feminist pedestal has not given space to the plurality of female voices out there. There is a generosity in embracing "bad feminism", which is a space for everyone and its refreshing alternative to the with us or against us black-and-white limitations of the voices out there. It is also important to understand, then, that most women struggle with the feminist movement and its meaning. In other words, because asking an individual, regardless of their race, class, gender, sexual orientation, and ability to choose one "side" or the other of a movement is always reductive. The ways in which all of us have internalized an "essential feminism" that either does not exist or is so riddled with stereotypes as to no longer deserve our attention, is unbelievable.
As briefly mentioned in the above paragraph, intersectionality is extremely important when trying to understand the concept around feminism. Let us take the historical struggle of feminism into consideration. During the first wave of feminism, various women organizations and women themselves were advocating for women's rights to vote and into the second wave of feminism, the right to reproductive rights. However, these women were mainly from the white-dominating society and did not take women of colour into consideration. In addition to that, they did not take other intersectional factors such as sexuality, class, and ability in consideration. This is what I mean when I say patriarchal feminist pedestal constantly focuses on power and privilege. Women of colour were not considered "powerful" or "worthy" of such-and-such right. Because of that, they were constantly oppressed and marginalized. This kind of feminism is still quite prevalent in today's world, and because it is still quite prevalent, there are more intersectional factors that should be taken into account when defining feminism; such as how women choose to identify themselves.
The biggest and longest debate of feminism has been around the issue of equating themselves with men. I don't think we need to constantly struggle to equate ourselves with men because biologically, we are different from men. I am not saying that we are biologically inferior to men and neither am I saying we are biologically superior to men. I am merely arguing that it is really about how we identify ourselves as unique individuals and as a separate individual entity. Yes, I agree that being a feminist means being highly empathetic, concerned, and sensitive to issues around women dis-empowerment, abuse, and other kinds of things associated with women, socially, economically, politically, culturally, etc. However, that does not in any way mean I am any less sensitive towards men and young boy's mental health (for instance) and the issues around the idea around hegemonic masculinity - which is also a form of oppression (asking men to be a certain way, such as being tough, rough, apathetic, strong, etc). It is important to note that being a feminist means you are not aiming to make women strong (they are already strong), it is just a way to show society that they are. Empowering women does not mean belittling or "punishing" men. Men, too, suffer from gender role assumptions that place expectations upon them to live and act a certain way. Being a feminist comes with the belief that each person should be viewed based on their individual strengths and capabilities as a human being, not the strengths and capabilities assumed of their gender.
So you may ask, why is the word "feminism" so women-centric? The word feminism is the way it is because not all women have the same advantages and opportunities to speak up. Their circumstances hinders them from employment opportunities, for instance, and various other basic fundamental rights. Whilst feminism is considered a women-centric issue, it is in fact also a "humanity issue." We need feminism because people are still blindly agreeing that women don't need to be paid for the same work as men, that they are okay with the indifference and injustices so ingrained in society that they have accepted it as a way of life. That they are not only looking the other way to these issues, but they are also entirely and genuinely convinced they are doing the world a favor by hushing feminist attempts. Some people don't feel the need to voice their thoughts on the matter at all, and that's okay. But there is a big difference between being indifferent and being ignorant. And that difference is speaking out about an issue when your opinion is based on misguided information and false assumptions. Why do we need feminism? For the same reason screenwriter John Whedon gave when asked why he writes such strong female characters, "Because you're still asking me that question."
Feminism, in my opinion, is really about fairness and understanding. About realizing and celebrating the differences not just between men and women, but between different kinds of women. Being a feminist is not about subverting standards of beauty. It is about supporting, uplifting, and empowering other women. It is about learning how other women experience oppression, and understanding that we don't experience everything a certain way. It is about hearing and understanding that society treats every woman differently - from different races, sizes, gender identities, physical abilities. There is no right or wrong way of being a feminist, but there are ways of being a feminist that are more mindful than others. So, for me, feminism is really about listening to other women's experiences and making myself grow and learn. Most of all, no one should be afraid to call themselves a feminist, because after all, everyone believes in humanity and human rights, is one!
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